Recently, a swarm of attacks from Palestinian terrorists have plagued Israel & the Occupied Territories, mostly around Jerusalem and Hebron. Most of the attacks have been lone youth attackers wielding knives, or driving cars. One especially brutal attack was committed by an older Israeli-Arab employee of Bezeq, the local internet company. After what must have been a frustrating day providing tech support to geriatric Jews, the man snapped, driving his van into a group of Ultra-orthodox at a bus stop, jumped out of the van and hacked them to death with a butcher's cleaver (Warning it's a brutal video). Apparently working as tech support doesn't help with your mental stability! Luckily a local, armed with a pistol, was there to shoot the attacker, who still managed to wave his cleaver in the Jew's general direction before the martyr's soul was presumably transferred to paradise, upon which he was greeted by 73 virgin (males).

Of course violence begets violence, and there have been a series of crazy Jew-on-Arab violence as well (surprise!). Luckily it's been a few months since the last time Settler fascists burned a Palestinian infant to death, but the crazies beyond the green line are always lurking! In a series of bizarre and macabrely humorous attacks, an ultra-orthodox Jew tried to murder someone he thought to be Palestinian, only to discover he was indeed Jewish (hey, Semites look like Semites, right?).  A truly tragic event occurred when, after an Israeli-Bedouin terrorist went on a stabbing spree in the Be'er-sheva central bus station, police mistakenly shot an Eritrean immigrant, who they thought was the terrorist (black guy, Arab, what's the difference?). Of course accidents happen, and it's easy to accidentally shoot someone, as many Americans understand. But then, a fucking mob of Israelis descended on the wounded man, and beat him to death! Apparently four of the attackers from the lynch-mob have been arrested, and released on bail.  Two are even prison guards and one even is a Cohen! Salt of the earth... from nearby Mt. Sodom perhaps!

But we have good news, my dear Chutzpanim friends! Last year, another series of attacks cooled after rains came to Israel. When it rains in Israel, it really pours! You have to remember that most of these youth that do stabbings and terrorist attacks are whiny, lazy little shits with nothing better to do than blame other people for their problems. When it gets wet outside, these are the type of twits who just stay inside and don't do anything. So a week plus of hard rain can really neutralize a vitriolic situation!
Now, the coming eight days and more we have some serious rains ahead! It doesn't rain much in Israel (this whole summer I don't think it did once), but when it does rain, it's a crazy, umbrella destroying, body soaking, apocalyptic, torrential downpour that destroys all ambition but for those of the most insanely driven chutzpanim! Let's hope this next week-long deluge keeps those fucking crazy, testosterone-driven, adolescent-nitwits in bed so they can whine to their mothers about their problems instead of going outside and stabbing someone! After a few weeks of quiet, these sort of problems burn themselves out, and Israelis can go back to fearing the true threat to Israel: Israeli drivers!

May the Chutzpah be with you, my dear Chutzpanim!
If you like my posts, please follow me via email or follow me on Facebook. Remember, sharing is caring!
Sauce






Update 27/10/15:
So the rains have started, dramatically but unfortunately intermittent. Hopefully it will be enough to dissuade terrorists from coming out. Here's a video of the beginning of the rains, as it caught me on Sunday when I arrived at Bar-Ilan:

Here are some of my videos about past monsoon seasons in Israel:

Tel Aviv is has great, sandy beaches, inside and even stretching kilometers outside of the city. It's a great place to learn to surf, since you don't have the rocky or coral sea bottom that you see in other places. It's in the mediterranean sea, so the waves aren't so huge, but you can still have a good time.

Here's a pretty dog, riding on one of Tel Aviv's glorious beaches:

Surfing Lessons in Tel Aviv usually takes place at Gordon Beach. There are a couple companies that reside in the arcade just off of Ben Gurion street that overlooks the beach. One is Top Sea that offers large classes, usually with ~ 10 people. Board rental there is 50 ILS for 1 hr or 100 ILS for the whole day. At the Israel surf club, they rent boards for 60 ILS for 1.5 hrs.

Baobei and I rented Topsea boards for the day last week, and Baobei mastered surfing within 2 hours:



Thanks for reading! Follow me on facebook for continued updates on Baobei and my travels!

Last Friday, Tel Aviv University and the Confucius Institute partnered to host the annual Chinese-Israeli picnic. It was an afternoon of arts and crafts, surveys and more importantly, delicious food! We brought deviled eggs.
 The banner says: "China-Israel Young-People Communication-Meeting." And we did just that!
 I'm not sure what these were, but they were delicious!
 Real, live Chinese people!
 They had a variety of games to play.
 You could paint Beijing Opera masks.
 The paint was even authentic Chinese!
 Here's one in progress, similar to Eddie Belfour's Blackhawk goalie mask.
 He's adding Payot to this one.
 There was also a card game we played, where your partner describes what the card is, and you guess the noun.
 We had stiff competition.
 Plenty of intercultural discussion. "What do you mean you don't eat Ju-ro?"
 Lot's of fun mingling.
 You know it's Chinese because of the lanterns.
 The Confucius Institutes were implemented by the Chinese government to try and educate the world about Chinese culture.

They have Confucius Institutes at most major world Universities.
 Fun times, playing in the sand!
 "I want to grab this!"
 There was an assembly and prizes were given to the winners.
 Speeches were given by the Israeli Communist Party Leaders:
 As always, it was a great time hanging out with the Confucius Institute and TAU students!
Sign up for my mailing list or follow me on Facebook to keep up with my travel blogging! Thanks, Sauce

Israel is holding it's election today (which means no work, even for us goyim! Yay!), and unlike the last election in early 2013, this election could be a game-changer, booting out Benyamin Netanyahu.

Israel has a complex political spectrum, due to it's multi-ethnic community. The country was founded by Secular European Jewish refugees fleeing post-Holocaust Europe. They tended to have left-wing, secular ideals. A small ultra-orthodox community accompanied them at the time, but due to their massive birth-rate (Haredi women have an average of 7.7 children per annum) the ultra-orthodox now factor in at ~10 % of the country. This is a politically contentious issue since most male Haredim do not work; due to the "status quo" agreement between the Secular Zionists and Ultra-orthodox at the founding of the country, Yeshiva students receive a "stipend" from the government and do not have to serve in the military. By 2060 the country is project to be up to 50 % Ultra orthodox, so secular Israelis will soon no longer be able to support the Haredim.

Backlash against the founding of Israel in 1948 caused Islamic countries to begin to repress their Jewish populations. This caused a massive exodus of Arab & Asian Jews (Mizrachi Jews), so now they represent ~50 % of the Jewish population in Israel along with the German Jews (Ashkenazim) and the Spanish Jews (Sephardim). The Sephardim had moved to Europe after their expulsion from Spain in 1492, so they come from both Europe and Africa/Asian regions. Of course, there has been traditionally been tensions between the Arab Jews and Ashkenazi Jews since the German Jews tend to believe in their genetic superiority.

Following the influx of Mizrachi Jews, there was the import of Ethiopian Jews, who tend to now work as janitors or other low-skilled positions. Then after the collapse of the Soviet Union, there was a large influx of Russian-speaking Jews, mostly from Ukraine. These Israelis are generally secular, but hard-right, often saying that the Arabs don't belong in Israel and should be expelled.

Arabs are also a fractured community in Israel, though Arab Israelis number ~20 % of the population, they are not fully represented due to their political splits and voter apathy. There are the Druze and Bedouins who initially supported the formation of Israel and even serve in the military today. Also there are the Arab Christians, who are mixed on their support of Israel, though some have been expressing their willingness to serve in the military recently. Finally there are the Palestinian Muslims who hold Israeli citizenship, and also split into Secular vs. Religious camps.

So the complex Israeli political spectrum has ethnic splits (European Jew vs. Mizrachi Jew vs. Sephardi Jew vs. Soviet Jew vs. Arab) and religious splits (Secular vs. Religious (which again splits into Ultra-orthodox vs. orthodox vs. conservative) and everyone abuses the poor African immigrants. Also there is a split amongst the left of whether or not they intend to confront the Palestinian issue, with many younger people not caring at all, since the status quo isn't too bad for Israel. By ~2070 by my calculation, the Israeli population in the West Bank will exceed the Muslim population, so then Israel can decide to respect self-determination and hold an election!



Since Israel uses a parliamentary system, people vote for a specific party, and the number of seats in the Knesset, or Israeli parliament (Knesset means gathering or meeting place in Hebrew; Bet Knesset, e.g. Meeting House, is the name for Temple in Hebrew, fyi). This year there are some large changes to the different parties.

The first major change is that in a bid to deny any seats to the fractured Arab/Palestinian parties, the Israeli right-wing raised the minimum threshold from 2 % to 3.5 %. This plan however backfired, causing the normally split Arab/Palestinian parties to unite to form the Joint List. Arab Israeli citizens number ~20 % of the population, although they generally suffer voting apathy and aren't represented proportionally.

The other big change is the formation of the Left-Center Zionist Union that will rival Netanyahu's block of right wingers. Zionist Union is the union of the Labor Party and Tzipi Livni's party, The Movement. During the previous election, Tzipi Livni split from the Labor Party since she was upset that she wouldn't be Prime Minister. This year, Tzipi has relented, allowing Isaac Herzog represent the Zionist Camp, which will coalition with Yesh Atid (There is a Future) and Meretz (Vigour). Yesh Atid is sort of the "Hipster-Tel Aviv" party, who are upset by the high cost of living in Israel, but don't care about ending the occupation at all. Meretz is a sort of social-democratic party. In order to defeat Netanyahu, the left-centre bloc will need to unite with the Joint List as well the center party Kulanu (All of Us).

On the right in Israel you have Likkud, represented by Benyamin Netanyahu, who has united with fascist parties, The Jewish Home (Religious-Fascist) and Israel Our Home (Secular-Fascist). Also the religious parties tend to stand behind Likkud (Shas, Yichad, and United Torah Judaism), though Shas has left wing tendencies (economic only).

Basically what will decide who will become PM will be if the Joint List and Kulanu (All of Us, a center economic issue party) decide to partner with the Left, Herzog will become Prime Minister. If Kulanu supports Netanyahu, he will remain the prime minister. Including an Arab party in the ruling coalition's bloc is very exciting for the opportunity to help end the occupation.

Dear Chutzpanim, Purim in Tel Aviv is really great fun! Purim is a Jewish holiday where you're obliged to get drunk, literally one of the Mitzvot that orthodox Jews must follow (although of course being Jews, there are many different arguments and interpretations on what the rule actually means). In any case, this mitzvah is one of the more followed rules of the Torah, even amongst secular Jews who normally don't care too much about breaking shabbat or eating dinner with a goy.

One of the customs of Purim is to dress up in costumes, similar to American Halloween, except for less creepy and more slutty styles. In Tel Aviv, there's a huge open-air, daytime street party every year in Kikar HaMedina, the big circle in north Tel Aviv. There's loud disco music and too many people.

I went as Ashkenazi superhero Moshe Batman, who originally had defeated the evil Persian Haman in an epic battle, if my knowledge of history is correct:

In the spirit of the holiday, I made a song called Moshe Batman: Protector of Tel Aviv, and I included some videos from Purim. My poor wife had to record while I embarrassed her ;P

Dear Chutzpanim,
This Friday morning (Fridays and Saturdays are the weekend in Israel), my wife and I ran the Tel Aviv marathon. It was a really great experience!
One wrinkle was that the promoters this year were extremely worried about safety, since in 2013 a runner died, ~100 m from the finish line. This year, a note from your doctor was required for anyone running 10 km or longer. Once again, in the Land of the Great Balagan, no task can be easy. I ended up going to the doctor three times to get the pass. Even setting up an appointment is difficult in Israel, unless you speak Hebrew. The first time I called one clinic, the secretary promptly said, "We no sign that."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because not, why not!" She replied indignantly.

"OK," I said, "I'll call another clinic."

"Another clinic," she agreed, hanging up the phone.

Essentially everyone in Israel can speak English fluently, except for secretaries who are required by the Rabbinate to only speak Hebrew and also be grumpy. Eventually I was able to make an appointment for the doctor at another clinic nearby, although I didn't state my reason, knowing the fatwa issued by the great Secretariat.

Luckily physicians are more easygoing than secretaries in Israel. The doctor immediately told me she would not sign that form, unless she had been my family doctor for 10 years. "Don't you have a family doctor?" Everyone always asks if you have a family doctor in Israel, but there seems to be no mechanism to find one.

I told her I didn't. She said, "Well, we'll see what we can do."

Just then, I received a call on my cell phone from an unanswered number-- I had been trying to schedule a breast exam for my wife for months and had gotten ahold of someone the previous Thursday. "Sorry, I'll just..." I said as I frantically answered the phone.

"What? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS? WHAT?" The doctor yelled at me.

"I'm sorry, can you call me back?" I asked the person on the phone.

"What? No Hebrew?" The secretary grumpily replied.

"REALLY? ARE YOU DOING THIS NOW? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" The doctor screamed.

"Can you call me back?" I asked frantically.

"What? No want appointment?" The secretary asked.

"WHAT? ARE YOU STILL ON THE PHONE???" The forgiving physician asked.

I hung up the phone. "I'm sorry..." The phone called back; I pressed the silent button.

"I can't believe this... Let's take your blood pressure." She said.

My blood pressure was off the roof.

I made another appointment for a few days later, where I got a note after my blood pressure was normal. That evening, I picked up my race packet. When I handed the secretary the doctor's note, she didn't spare it a glance as she tossed it below her desk, handing me my race packet without barely an acknowledgement.


In any case the race went off wonderfully! Check out my montage of the race below, with my Ashkenazi superhero song, Moshe Batmann & Tzabar Szpeiderman! Download the song for free on my music page if you like.