Dear Chutzpanim,
This Friday morning (Fridays and Saturdays are the weekend in Israel), my wife and I ran the Tel Aviv marathon. It was a really great experience!
One wrinkle was that the promoters this year were extremely worried about safety, since in 2013 a runner died, ~100 m from the finish line. This year, a note from your doctor was required for anyone running 10 km or longer. Once again, in the Land of the Great Balagan, no task can be easy. I ended up going to the doctor three times to get the pass. Even setting up an appointment is difficult in Israel, unless you speak Hebrew. The first time I called one clinic, the secretary promptly said, "We no sign that."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because not, why not!" She replied indignantly.
"OK," I said, "I'll call another clinic."
"Another clinic," she agreed, hanging up the phone.
Essentially everyone in Israel can speak English fluently, except for secretaries who are required by the Rabbinate to only speak Hebrew and also be grumpy. Eventually I was able to make an appointment for the doctor at another clinic nearby, although I didn't state my reason, knowing the fatwa issued by the great Secretariat.
Luckily physicians are more easygoing than secretaries in Israel. The doctor immediately told me she would not sign that form, unless she had been my family doctor for 10 years. "Don't you have a family doctor?" Everyone always asks if you have a family doctor in Israel, but there seems to be no mechanism to find one.
I told her I didn't. She said, "Well, we'll see what we can do."
Just then, I received a call on my cell phone from an unanswered number-- I had been trying to schedule a breast exam for my wife for months and had gotten ahold of someone the previous Thursday. "Sorry, I'll just..." I said as I frantically answered the phone.
"What? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS? WHAT?" The doctor yelled at me.
"I'm sorry, can you call me back?" I asked the person on the phone.
"What? No Hebrew?" The secretary grumpily replied.
"REALLY? ARE YOU DOING THIS NOW? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" The doctor screamed.
"Can you call me back?" I asked frantically.
"What? No want appointment?" The secretary asked.
"WHAT? ARE YOU STILL ON THE PHONE???" The forgiving physician asked.
I hung up the phone. "I'm sorry..." The phone called back; I pressed the silent button.
"I can't believe this... Let's take your blood pressure." She said.
My blood pressure was off the roof.
I made another appointment for a few days later, where I got a note after my blood pressure was normal. That evening, I picked up my race packet. When I handed the secretary the doctor's note, she didn't spare it a glance as she tossed it below her desk, handing me my race packet without barely an acknowledgement.
In any case the race went off wonderfully! Check out my montage of the race below, with my Ashkenazi superhero song, Moshe Batmann & Tzabar Szpeiderman! Download the song for free on my music page if you like.
This Friday morning (Fridays and Saturdays are the weekend in Israel), my wife and I ran the Tel Aviv marathon. It was a really great experience!
One wrinkle was that the promoters this year were extremely worried about safety, since in 2013 a runner died, ~100 m from the finish line. This year, a note from your doctor was required for anyone running 10 km or longer. Once again, in the Land of the Great Balagan, no task can be easy. I ended up going to the doctor three times to get the pass. Even setting up an appointment is difficult in Israel, unless you speak Hebrew. The first time I called one clinic, the secretary promptly said, "We no sign that."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because not, why not!" She replied indignantly.
"OK," I said, "I'll call another clinic."
"Another clinic," she agreed, hanging up the phone.
Essentially everyone in Israel can speak English fluently, except for secretaries who are required by the Rabbinate to only speak Hebrew and also be grumpy. Eventually I was able to make an appointment for the doctor at another clinic nearby, although I didn't state my reason, knowing the fatwa issued by the great Secretariat.
Luckily physicians are more easygoing than secretaries in Israel. The doctor immediately told me she would not sign that form, unless she had been my family doctor for 10 years. "Don't you have a family doctor?" Everyone always asks if you have a family doctor in Israel, but there seems to be no mechanism to find one.
I told her I didn't. She said, "Well, we'll see what we can do."
Just then, I received a call on my cell phone from an unanswered number-- I had been trying to schedule a breast exam for my wife for months and had gotten ahold of someone the previous Thursday. "Sorry, I'll just..." I said as I frantically answered the phone.
"What? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS? WHAT?" The doctor yelled at me.
"I'm sorry, can you call me back?" I asked the person on the phone.
"What? No Hebrew?" The secretary grumpily replied.
"REALLY? ARE YOU DOING THIS NOW? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" The doctor screamed.
"Can you call me back?" I asked frantically.
"What? No want appointment?" The secretary asked.
"WHAT? ARE YOU STILL ON THE PHONE???" The forgiving physician asked.
I hung up the phone. "I'm sorry..." The phone called back; I pressed the silent button.
"I can't believe this... Let's take your blood pressure." She said.
My blood pressure was off the roof.
I made another appointment for a few days later, where I got a note after my blood pressure was normal. That evening, I picked up my race packet. When I handed the secretary the doctor's note, she didn't spare it a glance as she tossed it below her desk, handing me my race packet without barely an acknowledgement.
In any case the race went off wonderfully! Check out my montage of the race below, with my Ashkenazi superhero song, Moshe Batmann & Tzabar Szpeiderman! Download the song for free on my music page if you like.
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