Dear Chutzpanim,

I apologize to my normal reader(s) for not posting in a long time (sorry, Dad!); it’s been a hectic few months moving into my new apartment with my beautiful wife, the infamous, glutinous rice loving, Baobei FunkyFeng.  In the past six months I’ve had to travel to China, Brazil, Paris, Minneapolis and back to Tel Aviv. Life is so hard!

When I started this blog, I had an idealized plan that I would travel to various places around Israel and post about my experiences there… plus whatever chutzpan things I saw on the way of course. I wanted to visit the interesting bits of Israel that people often skip since they’re blinded by the holy lights of Jerusalem… Of course, it’s a bit hard to keep up with that serious due diligence, so my posts are generally about hot-dog warmers and weird things my Chinese in-laws made me eat for their entertainment.

In any case, I wanted to get back to my original goal, like my trip to Petra in Jordan, if just for a bit…

So, a trip to Akko (or Acre) is definitely worth it.

For one thing, you don’t need a car to travel to Akko; just take the train up from Tel Aviv, which is super cheap and easy. It’s just slightly north of Haifa, also on the train trip, so you could see both on your way without having to rent a car. The train takes about an hour and a half, and leaves between every one hour to every 30 minutes. Just be careful about Shabbat; Sundown Friday to sundown Saturday is a holy day when motorized things do not function in Israel, via decree from Voldemort. 

Once in Akko, there are quite a few things to see.

Things to see: (I am trying to be more professional, so my Dad can navigate easier).

Bahai gardens

Akko port

Old city including:

            Hospitaller Fortress

            Al Basha Turkish Baths 

            Templars tunnel

            Okashi art museum
            City Mosque

The old city is pretty small, maybe ~1 km on each side, and walled. At the southeastern corner you have the port, which is quite beautiful:

The city market, or shouk, is also quite nice with beautiful food for sale, and of course, my favorite Hummus Said. 

 I bought these because they looked like little funny birds nests. It was the best decision of my life.*

Also the city is attempting to develop their tourist infrastructure. They have a series of places to visit, including a former Knights Hospitaller Fortress, a Turkish bath, and an Art Museum. 

Akko was the chief port of the Crusaders during their short time in the Levant, so they built a large fortress there, which was added on during subsequent periods. As part of their push to make Akko a world heritage site, the local Acre council has exhibited the former Hospitaller fortress to the public. 

Nearby the fortress was a tunnel that runs to the port, which the Hospitallers used during times of siege. 

Another quite entertaining exhibit was the Turkish baths. They have a ridiculous video you watch where a chubby guy from the Ottoman empire visits the ghosts of his ancestors, who were all masters of the Turkish bath in Akko, up until the 1950s or so when it went bankrupt, presumably due to competition from gay bars. Then you walk through a sort of life sized diorama, with videos projected onto sculpture the faces of sculpture humans, who talk to you about being in the bath.   

 As in today's gay bars, ladies always loved to crash the party...

 Oiled, bronzed, and waiting for their turn at a rub down.. oh for the good old days!
 A man with a projected on face.
 Take a seat...
Back onto the streets of Akko.

Next on the trip is the Okashi art museum in the old city, showcasing the finest of local art.

Here is a shrine to the Jewish prophet, Art Garfunkel.

McDonalds in Israel. You should probably skip the Okashi art museum.

Also in Akko, as part of the ticket for the Hospitaller fortress, you can visit the local mosque, also built by Al Jezzar,  a famous Herzegovinian-murderer-turned-Egyptian-slave-turned-Ottoman-governor who defeated Napoleon (it's a good story). It's quite a beautiful mosque, and you can enter and take photos:










Of course one of the coolest thing to visit in Akko is the Bahai gardens, situated around the house where the founder of the Bahai religion died. The Bahai have their most famous gardens in Haifa, which is extremely beautiful, as is this place. You can enter the house where the great Bab died, a silent, simple place where some Bahai followers pray. It's also free.




 The home of the Great Bab. It has been said** that upon experiencing the holiness of this place, the well known Bahai cover band Hanson spontaneously expelled a magical incantation glorifying the great Bab.


 Say what you will about the Bahai, they're great gardeners.













Enjoy my dear Chutzpanim!

*Edited 10/1/14: Other than marrying Baobei Funky Feng, of course.